MY POOPY VALENTINE!
I was SO excited when my mom came home from the store with candy hearts and supplies to make Valentines.
I was going to make Valentines for Chloe and Zoey and…maybe even BRANDON! SQUEEEEE!!!!!
“Not so fast,” my mom said. “I got this stuff for Brianna.”
Which, I’m SORRY, but I think six years old is a little YOUNG to be promoting a holiday all about crushes and romance!!! I mean, it’s completely inappropriate! Also, I wanted the glittery construction paper for myself!!!
“You may use some of the supplies,” she said. “But only after Brianna makes 18 valentines.”
“Brianna does NOT have 18 friends!!!”
But my mom explained that the little kids are required to bring a Valentine for everyone in their class. Which I remembered from being that age. So no one feels left out or whatever. Which I GET. Except, do they think the not-so-popular kids believe everyone’s suddenly their friend? And if they do, it’s got to be a SUPER big disappointment the next day when they’re back to being ignored!!
I offered to help Brianna with her Valentines. If she did them herself, she’d TOTALLY use up all the supplies. SOMEONE had to make sure she didn’t go glitter CRAZY!!!!
“Okay, Brianna,” I said as I sat her down at the table. “I’m going to show you how to cut a heart shape out of construction paper.”
She pulled a piece of brown paper out of the rainbow stack. “Can you show me how to cut a poop shape?”
“Like a poop emoji. With eyes. The ones that look like chocolate ice cream.”
“WHY would you want to make POOP Valentines???”
“Because I’m not giving HEARTS to gross BOYS!!!!”
This is when I had a moral dilemma. If Brianna made poop Valentines for the boys, there would be plenty of glittery red paper left over for me…
But Mom and her teacher would probably not be thrilled…
But the boys would probably think they were hilarious…
And I could see her point!! Why should she be FORCED to give Valentines to kids she doesn’t like???
But I also see the teacher’s point: kids start hanging out in cliques.
“Okay look, Brianna. I think poop Valentines are hilarious,” I finally said. “But I’m worried you’ll get in trouble.” “What’s wrong with poop???”
I didn’t even know how to answer that.
“Look, what’s something else you hate? Not something gross. Just something…you really don’t like. Like…broccoli?”
“You think I should make BROCCOLI Valentines???” she shrieked. Like that was CRAZIER than poop Valentines!!!!
“It doesn’t have to be broccoli! But what else do you really dislike?”
She thought for a minute. “Worms, the tooth fairy, boogers, waiting for my birthday, football…”
“Football! That’s perfect!”
And it WAS. Because making football Valentines would still use the brown paper!! Leaving some sparkly paper for meeee!!! AND Brianna wouldn’t get in trouble!
“Oh Nikki,” my mom said later when she saw the Valentines all spread out on the table. “How cute! Football Valentines for the boys! Wait…why did Amber G. get a football?”
Brianna opened her mouth, probably to answer honestly. Amber G. is a little MacKenzie-in-training!
“Maybe she LOVES football!” I said. “Football isn’t only for boys, MOM.”
Later, I made sparkly heart Valentines for all my friends while listening to my fav tunes on my iPod. And then, I decided to try something…
I pulled out a sheet of brown paper. I wasn’t going to make a football. But Brianna’s idea of a poop emoji Valentine really WAS hilarious. And the shape is so simple…
Honestly? It turned out pretty cute. And if anyone in this world deserves a poop Valentine it’s this CCP I know… NOT that I’ll give it to her! (OR WILL I???)