January 16, 2020


Hey Nikki,

Why is my BFF so obsessed about how I do on tests and stuff?! She’s been my good friend since forever, and all of a sudden, she’s obsessed with grades. And not only her grades, but MINE too! It’s like, she has to know what I got on EVERYTHING. I don’t want to share my grades, but she keeps pestering me until I tell her. She has to know what I got on that English test or that math quiz, and it’s so frustrating, I could SCREAM. Do you have any advice for me?


Grade Grief

Hi Grade Grief,

That IS frustrating! Your grades are YOUR business and you shouldn’t have to share them with anyone. Sometimes sharing grades might make us feel good, but it usually ends up making us feel bad. Or even worse—envious! ☹

I wonder WHY your friend is so nosy about grades. I can think of a few possibilities:

  1. Grades are very important to her (or her parents). If it’s new behavior, it might be because her parents have just started focusing more on grades, or she has started thinking more about doing well in high school and getting into a good college. If she’s suddenly got grades on the brain, it might just be something she wants to share with you. She might think you find it interesting too, or you find it helpful to talk about.
  1. .
  2. She might be struggling in school. If she is, she might be stressed out about it and trying to find out if she’s the only one.
  3. She might be doing really well and feeling proud of herself. In which case she’s kind of showing off or super competitive. This is ANNOYING, but kind of depends on HOW she’s talking about it. She might be acting like an arrogant know-it-all, or she might just be excited that hard work paid off!
What’s super frustrating is it sounds like you’re trying not to answer and she’s not picking up on that. Have you told her directly that you don’t want to talk about grades? Sometimes you have to be really clear about these things. You don’t have to give reasons, you can just say it makes you feel uncomfortable and you really wish she wouldn’t ask you about your grades. 

If she STILL doesn’t listen to you, I say you start just making up nonsense answers. Say you got 120% or a zillion percent or whatever! 

How do you feel about sharing your grades with friends? How do you react when friends don’t listen to you? Tell us in the comments!