September 20, 2018


Hey Nikki,

I’ve been crushing on this guy for about two years now, but I never told any of my friends because I was afraid that they might tell someone. Recently, my BFF told me that she likes this guy who just so happens to be my crush!!! She told me that they’ve been texting the past few days, which made me really upset but I told her that I’m happy for her and didn’t tell her that I like him too. I don’t know what to do. I really like this guy, but my BFF also likes him and I want her to be happy. What should I do?

Crazy Crush Calamity

Hi Crazy Crush Calamity,

Oh no! This sounds like a terrible situation! 🙁

It’s definitely not uncommon for two friends to crush on the same guy – there are only so many crush-worthy guys, right?!

However, this is extra-sticky since your friend didn’t KNOW about your crush. If she knew he was your crush, she probably would have selected someone else to crush on. Like, you can’t help your feelings, but the texting and telling you about her feelings for YOUR crush, etc…that goes against BFF code.

But she didn’t know! So it’s really not her fault! Though completely understandable that you’re upset.

The thing is, if you start flirting with your crush now, YOU’D be the one going against BFF code. You shouldn’t get in the way of whatever she’s got going on with this guy. For one thing, that would seriously mess up your friendship, and no boy is worth that.

But I DO think you should be honest with your friend. I mean, if you can just decide to get over him and let it go, that would be great. But if not – and I’m guessing since you wrote in about it, it’s not quite that easy – I think you should tell her that you’ve had a crush on him for a while too, but you didn’t say anything. Tell her you’re not upset with HER at all, because it’s not her fault she didn’t know about your crush. And tell her you’re not asking her to stop liking him, texting him or anything.

But it’s TOTALLY fair to tell her it’s hard for you to hear all about their texts. If you’re being understanding and generous with your friend, she should be willing to understand where you’re coming from and just not bring this guy up around you.

You sound like a really amazing friend, wanting your friend to be happy. But you deserve to be happy too! So communicate with your friend and make sure your friendship stays strong, first of all.

And then hang in there. With some time, you’ll get over this guy and find a new crush-worthy guy!!!

Have you ever crushed on the same guy as your BFF?? How did you guys work it out? Tell us in the comments!