June 3, 2020


Dear Nikki,

Lately my BFF has been SO MEAN to me! At first it was little things, like not texting or calling me back right away. But then she started actually saying mean things to me, making fun of me or other friends, and even calling me names! We didn’t have a fight or anything, so I don’t know what’s going on. We’ve been BFFs for a long time! Am I supposed to just give up on our friendship? Help!

Friendship Fallout

Hi Friendship Fallout,

Oh wow, this sounds TERRIBLE ☹!!

I am SO sorry this is happening to you. You obviously care about your friendship, and you deserve a BFF who cares about you too!

You say you’ve been friends with your BFF for a long time, and it sounds like her mean behavior is new. That makes me wonder what’s going on with her, if you really don’t think anything changed on your end. She might be going through something that’s causing her to act out. Sometimes we can be harshest with people we love, because we trust that they’re going to be there for us no matter what.

But that doesn’t mean you just have to take it! If you haven’t already talked to her about the change in your friendship, you should. I’m guessing you’re nervous to do that—I would be too, from the way you’re describing her! But a conversation will probably give you some pretty clear answers. If she’s going through her own thing, she may not even realize how she’s been treating you. And when you point it out, hopefully she’ll apologize and try to change things.

If she doesn’t? Or if she makes you feel like you’re making things up or being unreasonable? Then there are some issues. The way I see it, good friends care about your feelings, respect your opinions, include you in conversations and activities, and make things right when they mess up. If she’s not willing or able to be a good friend right now, you shouldn’t keep putting yourself in situations where you’ll get hurt!

I don’t think you should give up on your friendship. At least not without trying to do what you can to fix it. Relationships are WORK. That’s true for dating, family, and friendships. Maybe you’ll find that the friendship is not worth fighting for, but maybe you’ll come through this with an even stronger friendship. I really hope you do!

Have you ever gone through friendship drama? Were you able to fix things before the situation got too bad? Tell us about it in the comments!