July 18, 2020


Dear Brandon,

I need your HELP! My BFF has a brother who’s just one year older than us. He’s sooooo cute, nice, and funny! Of course she thinks he’s the most annoying jerk ever. Whenever I go over to her house, I want to talk to him or hang out wherever he is, and she gets mad at me! And I will admit I’m pretty distracted by him, but I can’t help it! I wish she would try to understand. I listen to her go on and on about her crush ALL the time. I’m worried this might end our friendship! HEEEELP!!

Crushing On BFF’s Brother

Hey Crushing On BFF’s Brother,

This is a tricky situation without easy answers, but one part of it IS easy: Don’t let it end your friendship! No matter how cute, nice, and funny he is, I guarantee he isn’t worth ending your friendship over. Crushes NEVER are. You’ll always find someone new to crush on, but finding a new BFF isn’t as easy.

Because look, no matter which way it goes, this crush has potential to harm your friendship. If he’s into you and you guys start spending all your time together, your BFF IS going to feel hurt and left out. If at some point you stop hanging out with him and find a new crush, your BFF is going to be forced to take a side. If you express interest and he’s not into you, you might feel embarrassed to be around him and stop going over to your BFF’s house.

So the way I see it, there’s no way this ends well, unless you get over your crush. Or if your friend has a change of heart and doesn’t mind you hanging out with your brother. But, your BFF has made it clear that she’s not having it. So, I’m afraid that only leaves ONE alternative. I’m not saying getting over her brother will be easy, but I think it’s what you’ve got to do. Or at least try hard not to ruin your friendship because of your crush.

One way to do that would be to hang out at YOUR house more than at your BFF’s, if that’s possible, so you’re not around him as much. And if it’s not (because I know some houses are just more hangout-friendly than others), then when you’re at your BFF’s house, hang out IN her room or do other things that’ll keep you away from her brother.

I know it seems unfair if your BFF is always talking about her crush. But it’s just not the same. Because her crush is not your brother, and your crush IS her brother. BIG difference. That adds all kinds of weirdness. But even if he wasn’t her brother, think of it this way: How would you feel if her crush was always there when you were trying to hang out with her? How would that change how she acts and how much time she spends with you?

I bet you wouldn’t be thrilled, if you’re being honest.

There’s nothing wrong with having crushes. But I think it’s important to make sure your friendships are more important. They’re the ones who’ll be there for you in the long run.

Have you ever crushed on a friend’s sibling? Or had a friend crush on your sibling? How did you handle it? Tell us in the comments.