February 28, 2019


Hey Nikki,
I feel like I am an only child. I have an older sister that I love more than this planet, but I always feel like she lives on a different one. Like the other week, I invited her to my party, and she went to her friends party instead, like friends are more important than family. I feel like I never see her anymore. HELP!!

Super Sad Sister

Hi Super Sad Sister,

This sounds really hard! I’m sure your sister has no idea how she’s making you feel. I’m definitely sure she doesn’t mean to hurt your feelings, or that she thinks friends are more important than family. But I can understand why you feel that way!

Older siblings often have more social circles and activities outside the house. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about their families. I think it’s just sort of like when they’ll eventually become adults and move out.

Or maybe she’s just a more social, extroverted person. An extrovert gets energized by being around lots of people, while an introvert gets energized by quiet time alone. If she’s happiest when she’s around lots of people, that might be why she’d sometimes rather hang with a group of friends.

It doesn’t explain the party, though.

I’m guessing family stuff feels like it’ll always be there. She’ll always be able to hang out with you when she wants. But friend stuff isn’t as reliable. And she might feel like she’ll miss out on something if she’s not with her friends.

But YOU feel like you’re missing out on time with her, and she should know that. I think you should talk to her. Don’t make it seem like you expect her to spend all her time with you and dump her friends. Just tell her you feel like you never see her anymore and you want to spend more time together.

Then make a plan. Make a specific time that’s YOUR time. Maybe you always hang on Saturday mornings. Or maybe she drives you to school. Or whatever—something that fits for both your schedules.

Hopefully knowing you miss her will remind her not to take you for granted. She’ll still sometimes choose her friends, so be prepared for that and be okay with it. You probably have other people you like to spend time with too. It’s normal. But family IS important, so make sure she knows how important she is to you! 🙂

Do you have an older or social butterfly sibling that you wish you could hang out with more? Do you have any advice for Super Sad Sister? Tell us about it in the comments!