August 21, 2015


Dear Nikki,

I have a friend who always asks to borrow things from me.  First, it was a pencil at school.  She didn’t give it back, but I didn’t care too much about that.  Then, she asked to borrow my favorite new book.  I kept asking her nicely to return it to me, but she kept forgetting.  Then I tried to be stern and told her I really wanted it back by the end of the week.  She just got mad at me and said I was acting like a selfish, drama queen over a book I had already read several times.  She really hurt my feelings and made me feel guilty, so I let her keep it and used my allowance to buy a new one.  It wasn’t like I could force her to give it back anyway.

Now, she wants to borrow my favorite earrings!  I didn’t know what to say when she asked because they really are my favorites and I don’t think I could ever replace them!  I told her to let me think about it.  I hope you can help me.  Should I give her another chance, or say no?  Am I being selfish or used??


Hands Off My Stuff

Dear Hands Off My Stuff,

First of all, kudos for not letting your friend pressure you for your earrings on the spot.  If you’re ever unsure of something, give yourself time to think it over.

It sounds like you really love those earrings.  I understand that you care about your friend’s feelings too.  But it’s actually pretty selfish of HER to take, and take, and take from you, and not give anything back.  She should care about YOUR feelings too, you know!  You guys need to talk.  Tell her how her borrowing habits make you feel, and be brave enough to say no.  You’re not being selfish at all.   You’re just standing up for yourself.  If she’s a good friend, she will listen, respect your decision, and try to change those habits.  I really hope it leads to a big, happy hug fest!  But if it doesn’t and she stops being your friend, it’s not your loss. She can find another borrow buddy to use.

I hope this helps!

What advice would YOU give Hands Off My Stuff?!  Has this ever happened to you?  If so, tell us about it. Post your thoughts in the comments section below.