October 22, 2020


Hi Nikki,
Here’s the deal—I’ve known my BFF forever (we were even born at the same hospital just a day apart!). We ALWAYS dress the same on Halloween, and I always feel like I give into whatever she wants to be (even if I want to be something else). This year, I REALLY want us to go as minions (I found us the most hilarious costumes and MINIONS is our favorite movie!), but she’s insisting that we dress up as our favorite pop stars and take microphones to sing “Trick or Treat!” into. When I brought up the fact that she NEVER wants to do my idea, we got into a huge fight! It was our first argument ever! Now we’re not talking to each other. I don’t want to lose my BFF, but I’m so tired of giving in! What should I do??!?

Halloween Costume Conflict

Dear Halloween Costume Conflict,

This is a tough situation! Trust me, I know from experience that it can be really hard to balance friendships when you and your BFF don’t want the same thing. It’s easy to think, “Hey, we do EVERYTHING together! How could we possibly disagree on something?!”

But here’s the thing. Even twins don’t always like the same things. And sometimes, the more diverse your interests and ideas are, the more you can appreciate your friend.

Okay, so confession time: wanna hear more about how I can relate to you?

One Halloween, my besties wanted the three of us to show up to the school Halloween party as GARBAGE BAGS! And they were SO excited about it!

THEN, I got roped into dressing up for a little girl’s b-day party really close by. OMG, and guess what costume the girl’s parents gave me to wear to entertain all of the kiddies??? IT WAS A GIANT RAT ☹!!

And THEN, I got asked to the Halloween dance by my crush (you know who!), so I wanted a Halloween costume just for me that, um…maybe wasn’t a garbage bag. Or a rodent! I got to wear a totally beautiful dress! 😀

I tried to balance all three, without anyone finding out!

How well do you think THAT went down? Just read my Diary #2: Tales From A Not-So-Popular Party Girl to find out (SPOILER ALERT: Lots of embarrassment and devious acts by MacKenzie!).

SO, first of all, I think it’s VERY cool that you have a BFF that you’ve known that long! When I moved and started going to my new school, Westchester Country Day, I didn’t have any friends at all. Now Chloe and Zoey are the best BFFs a girl could ever have!

That said, there are even times with Chloe and Zoey when I feel like they don’t completely understand me—I mean, how could they? But when any of us share our feelings, we always seem to come together. None of us want to let each other down, even if it means sacrificing the things we want.

But from what it sounds like, you’ve been doing more of the Halloween sacrificing. My GUESS (and it’s just a guess!) is that your BFF had NO idea you felt that strongly about Halloween costumes for all of these years.

It’s DEFINITELY not your fault for being so agreeable . . . but it’s not necessarily all her fault for not knowing your true feelings.

Bottom line, you guys are BFFs! You can’t throw that away on a night of dressing up and begging people for candy! I mean, seriously, Brianna does that at least three times a week. (PS, Brianna, if you’re reading this, I know where that chocolate bar went, you little brat! I don’t believe for a second that Miss Penelope took it! ☹)
Here’s my advice:

  1. First and foremost, after you both have had a little space, let her know that you want to work things out. Maybe text or call her and say that you’re so sorry that you fought. You don’t have to apologize for standing up for yourself—you shouldn’t be sorry for your feelings—but just let her know that you want to talk. Maybe ask her over for a sleepover!
  2. Don’t hold things back whenever you talk, but don’t be insensitive. Again, she’s probably more embarrassed than angry with you. Remember, she’s your BFF—it was never her intention to hurt you.
  3. Consider dressing up differently this year. Just a thought—you can both rock your own costume and still have a good time! 😀

That’s all I’ve got for today! Now it’s YOUR turn, readers—have you ever had a major argument with a friend about Halloween costumes or anything else? Any tips for how to handle it? Tell us all about it in the comments below!