January 6, 2015


MacKenzies Gift

As you might remember from my last blog post, MacKenzie RANDOMLY added me on Skype not too long ago and then told me she bought me a belated holiday gift.

I would have been less surprised if she said, “I just grew a second mouth, which means I’ll be using DOUBLE the lip gloss and harassing you TWICE as much!”

That’s how totally SHOCKING it was to get a Skype message from her…AND a friendly one!

She told me she planned to give it to me after winter break, which was only a few days away…but in EGAT (enemy-gift-anticipation time), that’s like a few CENTURIES!

To make the suspense less UNBEARABLE, Chloe, Zoey, and I made a list of things she possibly could give me:

Zoey’s guesses:

  • A hairbrush full of lice
  • A compact with the words “ugly dork” written on the mirror

Chloe’s guesses:

  • A box of homemade candy, made with chocolate laxatives
  • A perfume bottle filled with cat pee

My guesses:

  • A fancy lighter (to use to set ALL my clothes on fire)
  • A shirt with the anti-theft tag still on it (so I’d wear it in and out of a store and then get caught and arrested)

They were all really good guesses, but I wouldn’t know for sure until we were back in school, and I didn’t think I could wait that long. So I did something UNTHINKABLE!

I Skype messaged HER!

That’s right…I VOLUNTARILY initiated contact with the worst human being on the planet, even though a crazy, stalker fan of my diaries WASN’T pressing a gun to my chest, screaming, “Press send, or I’LL be a not-so-happy heartbreaker…LITERALLY!”

I wrote:

“Hey, MacKenzie. It’s me, Nikki J. Maxwell.”

I thought FOR SURE she was going to mock me mercilessly for that!

For one thing, my name is my username. It was so OBVIOUSLY me!

And even if my username was something random, like WCDartLOVA14, I’m sure she didn’t need the middle initial and last name, since, as she’s told me before, “Nikki is the most DISGUSTING name ever! Only a LOSER like you would have that name!”

Still, she wasn’t even slightly mean and didn’t mock me even a bit!

Instead, she wrote:

“Hey, girly. Sup?”

I wanted to write:

“Sup? As in ‘What’s up?’ TIME, that’s what’s up! So tell me, RIGHT NOW, what game are you playing here, and what horrible, sadistic, insulting gift are you planning to give me in school!?!?”

But then I thought, what if she was actually trying to be nice for a change? No, I’m not sitting in my own urine while wrapped up in a freakishly large baby blanket…because I wasn’t BORN YESTERDAY!

It’s just that you never know!

So instead, I wrote:

“Just thinking about that gift you got me. Hey, I have a thought! Why don’t you have your mom give it to my mom in their spin class tomorrow.”

(I forgot to mention my mom’s taking spin classes with MacKenzie’s mom. I’m pretty sure it’s legal torture using a stationary bike as a weapon, because every time she comes home, she looks super frustrated, kind of traumatized, and TOTALLY beat!)

I thought that was a totally brilliant plan, but because I’m just a genius, not an EVIL genius like MacKenzie, she didn’t bite! Instead, she wrote:

“And not see your face when you open it? I wouldn’t miss that for the WORLD! Later, girly!”

Going back to school this week was kind of bittersweet, because it meant less Sponge Bob and more math…but it also meant I could FINALLY stop stressing about the “gift” MacKenzie got for me!

It wasn’t ANY of the things we guessed! And I’d LOVE to tell you all about it right now, but my mom needs me to watch Brianna while she runs to the gym for her daily torture.


(I know, suspense like this is totally LAME! But I got through it, and you will too!)