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April 24, 2017

MY FREAKIEST DREAM EVER!!!

Nikki's Diary April 24thOMG! I just had the freakiest dream EVER!! If you’ve ever seen that old movie Freaky Friday, where the girl and her mom switch bodies, that gives you an idea what I’ve been through. Only it was WAY worse than switching bodies with my mom!

I woke up, and everything was normal. It was a sunny day. Brianna was screeching Princess Sugarplum songs in her room. I smelled bacon coming from the kitchen.

I got out of bed and immediately fell flat on my face, tripped by my pajama pants. Somehow, overnight, they had gotten WAY TOO LONG. This was weird. But it was early and I wasn’t all the way awake. I didn’t think about it too hard.

I shuffled down the hall, yanking on my pajama pants to keep from falling again.

“Good morning, pumpkin,” my dad called from the stove. Yep, bacon. Yum. “I heard you singing!”

“That wasn’t me,” I mumbled. My dad looked at me a little funny, but returned to the bacon.

“Morning, sweetie pie!” My mother came into the room, looking way too perky. “Are you excited for today?”

I tried to wake up my brain. I couldn’t remember any big plans for today. “Um. I’ve got to finish my English paper. And then maybe Chloe and Zoey could come over?”

My parents both laughed like I’d told a HILARIOUS joke. “Oh honey. You’re such a crack-up!” Mom said.

And THEN things got really weird.

Brianna came out of her room—we heard her before we saw her, because she was still singing at the top of her lungs.

I FROZE when I saw her. Because…she was ME! But she was Brianna! It was SO weird!!

She was wearing her regular nightgown, but it was suddenly WAY too short. Because SHE was tall!
She stopped singing when she saw me. We both stood there, confused.

“Did you girls swap pajamas last night?” our mom asked.

And then my dad said, “Honey, don’t forget to walk the dog this morning.” But he said it TO BRIANNA. Or whoever that tall girl in Brianna’s nightgown was!

“I’ll walk Daisy. That’s my job,” I said.

Both my parents turned to me with sad faces. “Brianna, honey,” my mom said, coming over and stroking my head. “We’ve talked about this. You’re just not quite big enough to take Daisy out alone.”

I thought I was losing my mind!!! “Excuse us,” I said, grabbing my sister’s arm and dragging her toward my bedroom. Why was she suddenly so much bigger than me??

Inside the bedroom, Brianna and I spoke at the same time. “WHAT IS GOING ON??!”

We turned and faced my mirror. I leaned in close. I was the smaller one. With Brianna’s hair…and eyes…and everything. Brianna reached out and poked the mirror. Except she wasn’t Brianna. She was ME!!

“Brianna,” I whispered. “I know what happened.”

“What? What happened??” she asked.

“We switched bodies!”

I’m sure even she could see THAT!! But why? How??

“Do we tell Mom and Dad?” I wondered. I don’t normally care about Brianna’s opinion. But she was bigger now. She seemed weirdly like an authority.

We stood there in silence, staring at the mirror.

“Girls!” Mom called. “Breakfast’s ready!”

Suddenly, tears filled Brianna’s eyes (my eyes, actually), and her lip began to quiver. “I want my own body baaaaaack!!” she wailed.

I just stood there gaping at her. Seeing a fourteen year old having a meltdown like a six year old was just…SO WEIRD.

Mom poked her head in the bedroom. “Girls, is everything alright in there?”

“Everything’s fine, mom!” I lied. “I…er, Nikki just…um, really wants her own PJs back!”

“Well okay,” Mom replied all suspicous-like. Then she went back downstairs.

I needed to find a way to calm Brianna down. Fast!

“Hey Brianna, let’s try to get through breakfast. It’ll be fun! Maybe we can freak Mom and Dad out a little.”

A smile spread across Brianna’s face. Which was my face. This was SO CA-RAY-ZEE!!!

So we went to have breakfast. We’d only just sat down when the doorbell rang.

My father frowned. “Nikki, would you get that?”

I kicked Brianna under the table.

“Oh!” she said. “Yeah! Okay!”

Weirdly-Tall-Brianna went to the front door.

“Maybe it’s a package delivery,” my mom murmured.

Then we heard MY VOICE coming out of Brianna’s mouth. And what she said was HORRIFYING!

“Hiiiiiiii, Brandon!!”

I leapt up from the table, knocking over my chair as I sprinted to the front door.

“Brianna!” my mother scolded after me.

“What?” called Brianna-in-my-voice from the front door.

“Hey, Brandon,” I huffed and puffed at the front door, trying to look relaxed and realizing too late I was wearing pajamas about six sizes too big. And I looked like a first grader!

“Hey, Brianna.”

And Brianna-as-me was wearing an ITSY-BITSY nightgown!!!

“Um NIKKI,” I hissed. “Go put on some CLOTHES!!!”

Her eyes went wide and she scurried away from the door.

“Sorry about her,” I said. “What’s up, Brandon?”
He grinned. “Not much, Brianna. Are you still taking ballet?”

“Um, yes?”

“Okay. Well…I was just here to invite Nikki to the opening of the new dog park this afternoon. I thought she might like to go with me? And Max, next door. He’s going to bring his grandma’s dog.”

Brandon was asking me OUT!! Sort of! But I could NOT let Brianna-as-me go out with him! Who KNOWS what would happen?!?!?!
“Oh, um, Nikki’s really sick! She’s really contagious. You should probably go right now so you don’t catch it.”
He took a few steps back. “Really? She looked great.”

OMG!!! He said I looked great!!! But NO! This could NOT happen!!
“Nope, she’s super sick. You better go! But if there’s another dog park opening soon, I’m sure she’d love to go!”

I basically shoved him out the door. I could blame crazy Brianna later. He was halfway down the driveway when Brianna-as-me was BACK, this time wearing her fluffy purple bathrobe, which was no longer than the nightgown. AND she was wearing her glitter plastic dress-up high heels!!

“Brandon!” she called, racing out onto the front steps. “I love you!”

And then I woke up screaming. “NOOOOOOOO!!!”

What’s the craziest dream you’ve ever had?
April 22, 2017

I WANT IN ON THE GAME!!

brandon_post_photos_71

Hey Brandon,

I’m always super excited to play games during PE class. But the thing is, some people HATE when I’m on their team! Like in Basketball, nobody passes the ball to me, even if I’m open. It’s like some of the teammates forget that I’m on their team. Outside of PE, I’m friendly and talk to people. But during PE, they just ignore me. Dude, you’ve gotta help me because I just wanna play!

Teammate Trouble

Hey Teammate Trouble,

You know, I don’t hate PE, but it sure brings out some of the WORST things about middle school. Feeling self-conscious about your body or your abilities, judging other people, getting excluded…

And sometimes, when we’re all in the game and our hearts’ racing and we’re trying to win, we totally lose sight of being decent human beings. At least, some people do. A kid who might listen politely to your idea in a group history project, even if they think it’s dumb, might be the one to hog the ball during PE.

I have no way to know exactly what’s going on in your PE class. But, it’s helpful to know that you’re not getting excluded in all things. Just PE. So, at least that provides a little glimmer of hope.

It seems like there are a couple possibilities. One–and I’m just being honest because it’s happened to me before–is that maybe you’re not the best player. And that’s okay! You have to start somewhere, and practice makes perfect, right? In an ideal world, it wouldn’t matter how good you were. People would all get a chance to play. Because you need a chance to play if you’re going to improve.

But the kids who are really serious about the game, who think they’re the best, well…they want to win more than anything. And they’re going to keep the ball away from teammates that aren’t the best. (And those judgments can be totally unfair—you mess up during the first game of basketball and suddenly you never get the ball.)

Here’s a way to tell if they’re avoiding you because they don’t think you’re good enough: you’re probably also getting targeted by the other team. Like in volleyball, they might try to spike the ball right where you are, or in baseball they might move in close when you’re up to bat.

If they think you’re not good enough…well, that’s cruddy. But here are a few things you can do. First, try your hardest not to let them get to you. Or at least don’t let them see if they’ve gotten to you. Keep playing with a good attitude. If you’re actually friendly with some of them outside of game time, maybe you could even ask them for pointers to improve your game. I wouldn’t make it confrontational, like, “Dude, you never pass to me! How come?” More like, “Dude, I’d like to improve in basketball. Could we shoot hoops some time?” Some athletes really respect those who work hard to improve.

I do think there’s another possibility for why you’re not getting the ball, and it might have nothing to do with your skills. Maybe you’re a great player. But maybe when you get the ball, you hog it. (I mean, I doubt it, since you wrote in about this, feeling like other people are hogging the ball from you. But it’s possible. So I’m just saying.) If there’s a player on a team with a tendency of hogging the ball, other players might try to keep it away from them. Right?

I think that no matter what it is (and it could be something completely different), you should try to stay positive and show you’re willing to work hard and be a team player. And if you do get the ball, get your game on and go for it! But, please remain the good sport that you are. Spread the love. Pass the ball to someone else who doesn’t get it enough.

And keep working on your game! Play outside of class with your actual friends. Everything’s more fun when it’s not for a grade, anyway. 🙂

How do you handle it if your teammates exclude you during a game? If you’re a great player, how do you include the beginners?

April 19, 2017

I’M GETTING PICKED ON FOR DRESSING DIFFERENTLY!!

S’up, Nikki! I have a bit of a problem. My school requires uniforms. Since I’m a tomboy and emo (which is like a goth), I tweak my look to fit my style. People think I’m scary, and I like it! But lately, I’ve felt like I should wear skirts and not pants like all the other girly girls at my school. I hate skirts, makeup, and dressing in bright colors (which is a nightmare for me because the school uniform is a bright blue cardigan and bright yellow shirt!). I think it’s because people pick on me for not dressing like others do. My friends don’t know what do and it’s just getting worse. Please help me, Nikki!!

Outfit Outcast

S’up, Outfit Outcast! 🙂

I’m so glad you wrote in about this. There’s a lot here that I think will help a lot of people.

The first thing I see in your letter is that you feel like everyone else dresses a certain way and you like a different style. I think a lot of readers will relate to that. I think it’s AWESOME that you are confident enough to go ahead and wear what you like!

But, it sounds like your confidence is cracking a little bit as you get picked on. That makes sense, too.

You say, “like all the other girly girls at your school.” I have an idea what you mean by that. But I have a hard time believing that ALLLLL the girls in your school are one way and you’re totally different. You might be the only one confident enough to stand up for what you want. But there’s no way every single other girl in your school is all about makeup, flowers, ruffles and lace. People are complex. And, even a group of girls who look exactly the same is made up of girls who are all different on the inside. Some of those girls who SEEM “girly” might be wishing they could be a little more like you. (Or different in some other way.)

So, look at it this way—when you have the confidence to express yourself the way you want to, you might be inspiring someone else to do the same! 🙂

It’s a bummer that you’ve got to wear a school uniform you hate. But in some ways, it’s helpful. Hear me out! First of all, You’re not the only one who hates school uniforms. Even people whose favorite colors are blue and yellow do not love wearing the same shirt and cardigan every single day. So, you’re all in that together. But also, it limits your options for self-expression in your wardrobe. Normally, I’m all about self-expression! But if you’re getting picked on for dressing differently, I’d think it might be a bit of a relief to know that no one can pick on your uniform, because everyone has to wear it.

But, there’s still the rest of your outfit, and how you might do hair, makeup or whatever. And people pick on you. Which SO not cool!!

It sounds like you’re still figuring out how you want to present yourself and how you feel about people’s reactions to you. And that’s TOTALLY NORMAL. That’s pretty much what life is ALL about at our age. You might just feel it more than others, because you don’t want to blend in with the crowd.

To be honest, I’m still in the middle of all this myself. It’s horrible to feel like the lone weirdo. And I’m so glad I never have to feel completely alone, since I have my AMAZING BFFs. And it sounds like you have friends, too, which is awesome!

I asked my mom what she thought about your letter and my advice so far, and she added this (if you want an old lady perspective):

“The girls (and guys) who all seem the same to you will eventually stop going along with the crowd. Everyone does it in their own time. Some will get more confident about their own individuality in high school. Some won’t until college. Some even later. But until they do, they might feel threatened by you. Not because you’re scary or emo, but because you have confidence they wish they had.”

Sometimes, moms are smart. 🙂

So look, you said it’s “getting worse.” If it’s serious bullying, then you need to go to a parent or a teacher you trust and get an adult involved. Because you might look tough, but you’re still a kid!

If it’s not really bullying, but just regular kids picking on kids, then try to be confident in who you are. I’d tell most people to let their inner dork shine through. But in your case, let your inner emo shine through!! 🙂

How do you keep up your confidence when you’re going against the crowd? Are you ever threatened by people who are different or do you admire them?
April 16, 2017

Happy Easter!!

Happy Easter!!

Squeeeee!! Easter is here!
Another holiday, another excuse to eat MASSIVE amounts of chocolate!

Do you guys have any Easter traditions, like the egg hunt?

April 2, 2017

I’M THE ONLY ONE WITHOUT A PHONE!!

brandon_post_photos_70

Hey Brandon! I have a HUGE problem. My class is going on a NASA field trip, and we’re allowed to bring phones. But the thing is, I don’t have one! It seems everyone is excited about being able to bring their phone and I’m pretty sure I’ll be the only person without one! HOW EMBARRASSING IS THAT?! So, now I don’t know how I’m going to live this down. Maybe I should fake that I’m sick on that day, but I’ve never done that and my parents paid a lot of money for that field trip! UGH!!

Sincerely,
Foneless Freak

Hi Foneless Freak,

First of all, a NASA FIELD TRIP? Soooooo cool! I’m totally jealous. Have you seen the movie Hidden Figures? It’s amazing. I really recommend it.

Okay, sorry. Back to your problem. 🙂

The first thing I have to point out – and I’m sorry, this is totally a parent thing to say, but it’s also true – you will not be the ONLY one without a phone. Whenever someone says, “But everyone else is doing it/has one/is allowed to!” it’s just…not true. I get that it feels that way. I’ve been there. But all parents have different rules. Some let their kids have phones in elementary school, some in middle school, and some in high school. I GUARANTEE your parents aren’t the only ones who haven’t let you get a phone yet.

So, what should you do about it? Well, you should definitely NOT fake sick and miss such an amazing field trip. Seriously. Think about all the kids who’ll never have a chance to visit NASA, and go for them. Go for ME!

You could ask one of your parents if they would let you take their phone for the field trip. That way you could take pictures and send them texts about the cool stuff you’re doing and make notes on things you want to research later.

But even if that doesn’t fly, everyone is going to be so busy seeing and doing all the cool things at NASA that they’re not going to pay attention to each other’s phones. I’m guessing you might be worried about the bus (or however you’re traveling there). Because yeah, people might pass the time by playing on their phones/tablets/whatever. But, you know what? Most people are really into their own electronics. And, they feel proud when people show an interest in them.

So, here’s what you do: Admire other people’s phones/tablets/etc. Show an interest in what apps and games they’ve got, and complement them. They’ll be pleased by the attention and won’t care that you don’t have your own electronic devices.

Another approach you could take is bringing some things for the ride that will be fun and interesting to other people. Cool comics. A fun card game. Goofy Mad Libs. CANDY.

But, you shouldn’t have to bring fun distractions to keep people from noticing you don’t have a cell phone. People who would judge you for not having certain electronic devices are shallow losers. You don’t need them.

If anyone DOES comment on your lack of electronics, I don’t think it’s something you have to live down. It’s not YOUR choice, after all. If someone says, “Dude, why don’t you have a phone?” just shrug and say your parents won’t let you. Don’t let it be a big thing. Like I said before, you’re NOT the only one. You really aren’t.

Then change the subject to all the awesome things you’re excited to see and do at NASA.

Oh, and come back to the comments to tell us what you saw and did. I can’t wait to hear!

Friends, how do you handle it when you feel like the ONLY one who doesn’t have something or isn’t allowed to do something?
March 30, 2017

April Calendar – Happily ever after

dd-calendar-april2017-preview21 vertical page – 8½ x 11in
Download
March 29, 2017

IS MY BFF MY CYBERBULLY?

Blog Art For Ask Nikki March 29th

Hi Nikki!

I got an e-mail from a person with no name.  The e-mail said I was ugly and had a serious case of cooties! This upset me, so I replied to it and asked who the person was. She told me it was someone I already knew…

The next day at school, I saw my “BFF,” and she was just glaring at me! Could she have sent that awful message?  Please help!! 🙁

Cyberbully BFF

Dear Cyberbully BFF,

Oh wow. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds really stressful!!!

So first of all, you’re right.  A mean, anonymous message like that is just AWFUL. Someone who isn’t even willing to admit who they are when they’re bullying you is the worst kind of coward. Not that you’d feel any better if this person said these things to your face. But the fact that they had to hide behind a “no name” email tells me a LOT about them. And they’re the one who’s ugly, because they’re acting that way.

I totally get why you’d be upset about those comments. But, I want you to take a breath before you get too freaked out about your BFF. “Someone you already know” could mean anything. It could be someone in your classroom, school bus, or on your sports team.

It could totally be a coincidence that your BFF glared at you the next day. Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe SHE got mean cyberbullying comments the night before. Don’t make any assumptions until you’ve figured everything out.

So, yeah. By that I mean TALK TO HER!!! You know what’s super annoying in romantic comedies? How MOST of the time the problem could be solved if the couple just had a CONVERSATION. So don’t turn this into an annoying movie. 🙂

When you talk to her, DON’T accuse your BFF of sending you the message. Because if she didn’t, you’ll probably hurt her feelings and then you guys will have problems you could have avoided. So, talk to her about how you got this mean message and how bad it made you feel. Pay attention to how she reacts. I’m assuming she’ll react with sympathy. Ask her what she thinks “someone you already know” could mean or who could have sent it. If she’s the one who sent it, I’m guessing you’ll figure that out with time.

So, if she IS the one who sent it? Ugh. Then she’s definitely not the BFF you thought she was, and you deserve WAY better. There are whole other columns here about what to do when your BFF isn’t treating you well, but here’s the short version: This is HER deal, not yours. You didn’t do anything wrong. Remember you’re awesome, and try to focus your energy on friends who treat you like friends should.

BUT, I don’t think you need to worry about that yet. I think chances are really good the message did NOT come from your BFF. So hopefully when you tell her, she’ll be a good source of support.

And if you keep getting anonymous messages like this, you should tell a parent or a teacher. This is cyber-bullying and it’s SERIOUS. Whoever’s doing it is a small, cowardly person who tears other people down to make themselves feel bigger and stronger. The way to beat them is by not letting them get to you.

But, if they do get to you? That’s normal. So make sure you have support.

Hopefully your BFF will be part of that support.

Have you ever gotten a mean, anonymous message? How did you handle it?
March 27, 2017

I’M SO PROUD OF GRANDMA MAXWELL!!!

Blog Art For Nikki's Diary March 27thI am SO proud of Grandma Maxwell!

Is that weird? That sounds kinda weird. But it’s TRUE!!

Just as we were about to leave for the doctor, Grandma Maxwell stopped by to visit us, because we were in the neighborhood.

Grandma Maxwell could see that Brianna was FREAKING OUT. I tried to tell her through facial expressions and wild hand motions that she shouldn’t ask Brianna what was wrong. But I’m not sure how good Grandma’s vision is.

“What’s wrong, Brianna?” she asked.

Well, Brianna told her. She was worried because she had to get a shot at the doctor’s office.

“Well, nobody likes needles,” Grandma Maxwell said. “That’s why I’ve never gotten my ears pierced. But sometimes you just have to face your fears.”

And then Brianna said, “Then you should get your ears pierced today, Grandma!”

Well… she couldn’t really say no, could she??

So we all headed over to Brianna’s appointment together. She was REALLY brave. I noticed that Grandma Maxwell looked away when Brianna got her shot. I guess she really WAS afraid of needles!

Then we were off to the mall.

Grandma was really quiet in the car, which so wasn’t like her at all. When we parked at the mall, she just sat there, without getting out of the car.

“Come on, Grandma!!” Brianna was out of the car, jumping up and down. She’d totally forgotten about her shot.

I opened Grandma’s door. “Come on, Grandma. Face your fear, remember?” I grinned.

We pretty much had to drag her into the mall. And when we got to Amy’s, the jewelry store, it was PACKED. And there was already a little girl sitting in the ear piercing chair.

“It’s really busy, guys,” Grandma Maxwell said. “Maybe we should come back another day.”

Brianna’s face fell. “No way, Grandma,” I said. “Brianna got her shot. Now it’s your turn.”

Mom marched over to the check out lady and told her why we were here. She signed a bunch of paperwork, and then told us we’d be after the little girl in the chair. Who was SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF.

Grandma Maxwell was turning kind of green.

“Grandma!” I turned her away from the little girl. “Why don’t you pick out the earrings you want to get pierced with? They have to stay in for six weeks, so pick ones you like a lot!”

Brianna held up a pair of Princess Sugarplum earrings. “How about these?”

Grandma looked TERRIFIED. “Just choose something for me, girls.”

The little girl stopped howling. But Grandma got even tenser, because that meant it was going to be her turn soon. When the little girl got up, Brianna took one of Grandma’s hands. I took the other one. We walked her over to the chair and sat her down.

“You can do this, Grandma,” I said.

Brianna nodded. “Maybe they’ll give you a lollipop!”

I don’t think Grandma Maxwell was listening at all when the lady came over and gave her instructions about what was going to happen and how to care for the piercing. I listened, though. I pointed out some simple gold studs.

The lady made dots with a pen on Grandma’s wrinkled ear lobes. “How does that look?”

Grandma didn’t even look in the mirror when she said, “It’s fine.” I mean, they could have been totally lopsided!!

The lady finally noticed how stressed Grandma was. “I think you need the Hug-a-Bear.” She grabbed a squishy teddy bear wearing an Amy’s t-shirt. “Hold on to this.”

“Isn’t that for little kids?” Brianna asked.

The lady shrugged. “It’s for anyone who needs it.”

I thought Grandma was going to say she didn’t need the Hug-a-Bear. But she grabbed onto that bear and squeezed it HARD.

“Okay, you ready?”

Grandma didn’t say anything. “She’s ready,” I said.

The lady pulled out this thing that looked a lot like a gun. Except it was purple. Grandma started breathing kind of fast. Brianna’s eyes got really big.

“Grandma,” I said. “If you’re good, I’ll take you out for ice cream after this.”

“On the count of three,” the lady said. “One, two—”

And then she did the first piercing!!

“You didn’t wait for three!” Brianna protested.

“I know. That’s how we do when people are really scared.” Then without any more warning, she did the other one. And she was done!

“You look BEE-YOO-TEE-FUL!!!” Brianna shouted, dancing around.

Grandma mostly looked dazed. She was still clinging onto the Hug-A-Bear. “Grandma,” I said. “It’s over. You did it! You faced your fear!”

My mom paid at the counter. Then we took Grandma to the ice cream shop, where I used my own money and got double scoops with toppings for all of us.

Now I’m kind of inspired! I’m trying to decide what fear I should face!! 🙂

What’s your biggest fear? What would it take to make you face it?
March 26, 2017

MY BFF HATES MY CRUSH!

brandon_post_photos_69v2

Hey Brandon,
I have a serious problem. I have a crush on this girl because she’s nice, cool and cute. But, my best bud absolutely hates her because he doesn’t like her hair. I think his reason for disliking her is so stupid that it’s gotten in the way of our friendship! How can I tell him what I think without him getting angry or ending our friendship?

Boy Bothered By Best Bud

Hey Boy Bothered By Best Bud,

Okay. First of all, what’s up with your best bud hating someone based on her hair? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! I mean, sorry. I try not to be judgmental in this column—and I’m not judging you for being upset about it—but, I just really can’t think of any more ridiculous reason to hate someone.

It’s so uncool that it makes me wonder if it’s even true. Not that I think you’re lying. But, I wonder if he said that for some other reason. Like, maybe he actually likes her himself. Or maybe he really dislikes her, but it’s for another reason that he’s embarrassed about. Maybe she beat him in a game of one-on-one basketball or called him Sponge Bob in kindergarten. I don’t know. I’m just trying to come up with possibilities besides hair.

The think is, if your best bud genuinely hates someone based on her hair, I think you need a new best bud. Or at the very LEAST, you need to have a serious talk with him about judging people based on anything to do with their appearance, whether it’s their hair, skin, weight, or height. That’s just not cool. Not cool AT ALL.

The other thing that makes me wonder about your best bud is that you think he’d get angry or fall out with you because you have a crush on someone he doesn’t like. Who you like has nothing to do with him, so I just don’t get it. How does that even make sense? Why should he be angry about who you have a crush on? Does he regularly get angry over things that shouldn’t bother him?

In all honesty, a friend who would end your friendship because you like someone he dislikes isn’t a very good friend.

As for how to tell him, I guess there are two approaches. On the one hand, you could go for total honesty. Say, “Look, dude. I know you’ve got a thing about Mia (or whoever) and you don’t like her. But, I just wanted you to know I really do. We don’t all have to hang out or anything, but I’m just asking you please don’t freak out because she’s my crush.”

On the other hand, you don’t have to tell him anything. You don’t need his permission to like someone, or even to hang out with them. If he asks if you like her, then you say, “Yeah. She’s got a great personality/makes me laugh/is kind/is smart/is cute/whatever.”

What’s he going to say to that? “But, I don’t like her hair?!” If he says that, then I’d suggest you laugh because he must be joking.

How do the rest of you deal with a best friend who doesn’t like your crush for a stupid reason?
March 22, 2017

I’M LOSING MY BFF!!!

Blog Art For Ask Nikki March 22nd

Nikki, help! My BFF and I have been besties for more than three years, but recently it’s been more of a one-way friendship. I’m ALWAYS the one to invite her over and ALWAYS the one to start a text conversation. I feel like I might be too clingy and she might not want to be best friends with me anymore! Any advice?

Brokenhearted Bestie

Hey Brokenhearted Bestie,

Okay, first of all, this is a TERRIBLE feeling!

Second, you are NOT alone!!

I think everyone goes through this at some point. So while we can agree it’s awful, there’s some comfort in knowing it happens to everyone, right?

I think the first thing you have to do is tell her how you feel. In person. If I were you, I’d be nervous about seeming too clingy and needy. But you have to talk to her. It’s the only way to know what’s going on. She’s not a mind reader. And maybe she just has a lot going on. Maybe there’s family stuff, health stuff or some other stressful stuff that’s taking her attention.

But, sometimes friendships change. People grow apart. This is painful, but it totally happens. Because here’s the thing: you guys are growing up. Which is AWESOME! But it also means you’re changing. And while it would be great if you could change at exactly the same rate, in exactly the same ways, that’s basically impossible. Identical twins don’t even change identically!

So, maybe that’s what’s happening. She’s changing in a particular direction and needs something different from you than she did before. It may not mean she doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore.

But either way, you need to talk to her. Don’t text, where it’s easy for her to just not respond to a difficult question, or get distracted by something else. Do it in person. Try not to be demanding of her time, but let her know you miss hanging out with her. And you miss feeling like a priority to her. Don’t act angry, or she’ll be defensive. Show her how you feel and how you wish things were!

The thing about talking to her is that there’s a chance she’ll say, “You know what? I actually need some space.” And you have to be ready for that. But, wouldn’t it be better for her to tell you the truth than for you to keep wondering what’s up with her, the way you are right now?

Also, it’s not all or nothing. It’s not like the only choices are BFF or stranger on the street. She can still be your friend, even if she wants some space from being BFFs. It’ll take some getting used to if you’re moving into a different stage of your friendship. But the changes are already happening. The difference is, now you’ll have a clearer idea of what to expect.

And, here’s the other thing you should totally remember: you had SUCH a close friendship for so long, and that shows you know how to be a good friend. Even if this close friendship is coming to an end, you WILL find another good friend who’s just right for you again! 🙂

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s hard. I hope she’s going to say, “OMG!! I’m SO sorry, it’s just I’ve had X, Y, and Z going on, but I really want to be a better friend!” But if she doesn’t, I’m confident you WILL find a way to move on and you WILL build new friendships. I promise!

Have you ever grown apart from a BFF? Did you talk about it, or just drift? How do you know when a friendship can be saved?