MY DAD IS ANCIENT!!
OMG. I am NEVER trying to teach my dad something EVER AGAIN!!!
I was trying to study for my history test when he came into my room.
“I need to be on the social media,” he announced.
The social media??
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You know, the Instachat, the Snapgram, the Facefriends and Tweetering! I want it all!”
This was SO weird. My mom’s on Facebook, keeping up with her high school friends and embarrassing me by posting UNAUTHORIZED photos. But my dad? He still uses the landline!!!
“It’s for my business,” he said, sitting down on my bed UNINVITED!!! “I need to be on the interwebs to get more business! Someone told me there’s a Yip review about me that’s all LIES!”
“I don’t know. Some thing where people can leave reviews of local businesses? But no one checks if the reviews are TRUE?!!”
I thought for a minute. “You mean Yelp?”
“That’s what I said!”
He opened up his laptop and read aloud. “Mr. Maxwell was an hour late—totally untrue—and when he finally arrived, he smelled so gross—which, okay, that was “take your daughter to work day” with Brianna and she dropped her tuna fish sandwich on me so I guess they have a point—and then it turned out he couldn’t even help me with my pest problem!”
He slammed his laptop shut. “Nikki, this person wanted me to exterminate the ghost in their attic! That is NOT a service I offer. They should’ve called the Ghost Busters!”
I sighed. “People can be crazy on the internet. You can respond with a comment.”
“What do I say? There’s NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS??”
I set my history book aside and opened his computer back up. He read over my shoulder as I logged in and typed. “We are very sorry we weren’t able to meet your needs. Please accept this coupon for 20% off your next exterminating services.”
He grabbed his laptop back and jumped up. “Why would I offer them a discount for a bad review?!”
“Dad, calm down. You’re not doing it for them. They don’t want you to EVER come back to their house. But other people will see your great customer service. Also, you really DID reek that day. So you kind of owe them. I bet it took forever for them to air their house out.”
He grumbled a little, but sat back down. “Okay. Fine. So set me up with the other stuff. The Instachat or Facefriends or whatever. I need to be connected. I need my finger on the pulse of the youths!”
“Dad, youths don’t call exterminators.”
“No, but just yesterday you were helping your mother find a new massage therapist, all on the interwebs!”
That was true.
“One account,” I told him. “I’ve got to study.”
THREE HOURS LATER – I am NOT even kidding!!! – we had set up a barebones Facebook account for his business. We argued over every little thing! And it’s HIS business, but why did he ask ME for help if he didn’t want my expertise?! And at the end of those three hours, he was still calling it “the interwebs!!”
I do NOT know how old people survive in the world.
Anyway, back to my history test, studying the days when there was NO internet! Can you imagine??