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May 24, 2017

MY BFF IS BEING SO MEAN!!

Ask Nikki May 24th

Hey Nikki,

My BFF is usually nice, but sometimes she overreacts to small things! For example, once I was using her notebook, which she was fine with AT FIRST. But then, I wanted to show her my drawing as a surprise, and she started gritting her teeth and glaring at me, and kept saying, “GIVE ME BACK MY NOTEBOOK. IT’S MY NOTEBOOK.” And when I told her to calm down, she just said “NO!” She also cries if things don’t go her way, and takes it out on me. Lastly, she made a rude comment about how I don’t do well in math, and it made ME want to cry! Should I hang out with her anymore?

Bothered By Bratty BFF

Hi Bothered By Bratty BFF,

It sounds like you’ve been really patient! AND like your BFF needs a MAJOR attitude adjustment!! 🙁

I have a bunch of questions: Has your BFF always been like this? Or, is this a change that has come over her recently? Is she your awesome BFF most of the time, and then sometimes just has her moments? Or is this kind of an all-the-time thing, lately?

If this is new behavior, and it’s only happening sometimes, I don’t think it’s a reason to drop her. For one thing, we all have our bad days, or our bad moments within good days. I know I get upset at Chloe and Zoey sometimes. And not to get too TMI, but depending where you’re at with the whole puberty thing, you might soon find yourself more short-tempered and/or likely to burst into tears at any moment. There’s a lot of hormonal wackiness going on in middle school, and it’s not just about how your body changes. Your emotions change, and feel out of control every now and then. Your friend might be going through all that before you. Or, she might have something big going on at home that’s got her losing it easily.

I think you need a lot more information before you take the drastic step of losing her as a BFF. I think you should talk to her! See if you can find out if something is going on. Maybe she realizes she’s been super on-edge, too. It might feel icky to her, even as she’s snapping at you. If there are specific things she’s said that have upset you, like the math comment, bring them up. But not in an accusing way. More like, “I wonder if you realize how much that hurt my feelings. It didn’t seem like something you’d normally say, so I wondered if you were dealing with something. Do you need to talk?”

It’s POSSIBLE that this is just how she is. Maybe she’s always been edgy. Or maybe something has shifted in her and this is the new “normal.” If she doesn’t care that she keeps hurting your feelings, or can’t recognize that she’s being so short-tempered with you, there’s NO reason you have to keep putting yourself in a position to feel bad. I guess you have to ask yourself, “Do the positive parts of the friendship outweigh the negative parts? And if the negative parts outweigh the positive parts, is there any way to change that?” If not…it might be time to branch out in your friendships.

It doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends entirely. Just widen your circle, so you have more people you hang out with. You might find someone who’s a better fit as your BFF now, but you can still be friends with your old BFF!

And maybe, with time, whatever she’s going through will pass and you’ll be back to the good old days. I sure hope so! You sound like a great friend, and you deserve the best BFF ever!! 🙁

Does your BFF ever go through mood swings? How do you handle it when your friend is not his/herself?