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March 28, 2016

I BROKE MY PHONE!!!!

Nikki horrified at cracked cellphone and Brianna sliding  on peanut butter

The worst thing in the whole history of the universe has happened!!

I might have said that before but this time I REALLY mean it!!!

You are NOT going to believe this…

MY PHONE BROKE!!

Notice how I said ‘my phone broke’ and NOT ‘I broke my phone’?? That’s because it was TOTALLY not my fault!!

I’m not going into details about exactly what happened. It’s too traumatic. Let’s just say it involved Brianna, a jar of peanut butter, and a Frisbee.

When I say it broke, I mean SERIOUSLY. The screen is shattered into a zillion trillion pieces. And this is the worst part—my parents say if I want it fixed, I have to pay for it!! Is that not the most unfair thing you’ve EVER heard??? It’s MORE THAN $100!!!!

My wallet is totally empty. I know this because yesterday I went to get cupcakes with Chloe and Zoey and I couldn’t pay. Zoey had my back, though!!

So, I checked my SECRET STASH of funds, for emergencies like this one. I keep it in a shoebox under my bed, marked SCHOOL PAPERS to keep Brianna out. But…there’s only $14 there!!

So, HOW am I going to make, like, $100 more!?!?!?!?

Possible ideas:

  1. Collect cans and take them to those recycling machines in front of the grocery store. They pay, like, $.05 per can! So I’d only need….2000 cans. Also, can you imagine if MacKenzie found me going through the trash and pulling out cans?!?
  2. Mow lawns! That’s a thing kids do for money, right? I can totally mow a lawn! I just…need a lawnmower. Mom and Dad were just talking about how ours broke and it would be cheaper to pay someone to mow the lawn than buy a new one. Maybe I can learn how to FIX lawnmowers! The Internet can teach you pretty much anything. I’ll come back to this one…
  3. Sell Mom’s Dutch figurine collection on eBay. This sounds horrible of me, but they’re just sitting in boxes in the garage! She never even looks at them! (And I don’t blame her because they’re SUPER creepy!) By the time she figures out they’re gone, I’ll probably be able to distract her with her adorable grandbabies! But then she might never talk to me again….
  4. Walk dogs! I love dogs! Brandon could probably even give me the names of people who’ve recently adopted dogs from Fuzzy Friends!! Or he might remember what a disaster it was when I was in charge of that litter of puppies…
  5. Babysit! I already do it all the time with Brianna! I just don’t get paid. But I could make up business cards and hand them out at her ballet class and people will see how good I am with all the little ballerinas. As long as Brianna doesn’t do something KA-RAY-ZEE that makes me scream at her and threaten to drown her Princess Sugar Plum in the toilet when we get home. Hmm. Maybe not babysitting…
  6. Oh! I could offer to wash the roach-mobile. The roach on top makes it too big to go through a regular car wash, so Dad has to do it himself. He hates it! But he also likes to keep it really clean, because who trusts an exterminator with cobwebs all over his van?? That has to be worth at least $20, don’t you think??

Okay, now I just need to come up with a list of ways to get the roach-mobile super dirty EVERY DAY for a week and I’ll be set!!! Can you guess how Brianna broke my phone? Please finish my blog post with a funny paragraph!

“You would NEVER guess how Brianna broke my phone! When I walked into the kitchen, I saw…”