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February 10, 2015

WHAT I TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT BRIANNA’S FREAKY WALL ART

Farm Animals

Remember how I told you last week about Brianna’s, um, INTERESTING wall painting?

If you don’t remember, read all about it here and then come back.

Welcome back!

I’m sure you’re wondering how I explained all those creepy, freaky eyes to my parents WITHOUT admitting that I’d fallen asleep (which would have meant that Brianna was on a ladder unsupervised).

I DIDN’T explain it!

As I mentioned before, it took an hour to calm her down after I dissed her artwork, and I had to promise I’d let her wear my clothes, lie in my bed, and play games on my iPhone all day. (She’s SUCH a little weirdo!)

As soon as she settled down, I heard the front door opening, and I TOTALLY freaked out!

I whisper-yelled, “Brianna, go downstairs and distract them!”

Then she ACTUALLY yelled, “NO! YOU said I could…”

I jumped up and covered her mouth, and then she started trying to scream through my hand, like I was some kind of psycho and she was struggling for her life.

I heard my mom ask, “Is everything okay up there??”

Then I heard her and my dad walking up the stairs. OMG, they were SO close! I was seconds away from a middle-name guilt trip…as in, “Nikki J. Maxwell! We can’t believe you let this happen. We are SO disappointed in you.”

Then I had this super fast day-mare (like a day dream, but the nightmare kind!)

My parents were both sitting behind this MASSIVE judge’s bench, like in court, with Brianna on the witness stand.

She sobbed, “That’s right, your honors. That ladder was SO high up that Nikki looked like an ant sleeping on my bed, not watching me at all, basically signing my DEATH CERTIFICATE!!!”

Then my father said, “Nikki J. Maxwell, we hereby sentence you to ETERNITY ALONE in Brianna’s room. You will eat in there, be homeschooled in there, and sleep in there, never seeing a SINGLE eyeball except the FREAKY ones painted on that wall! That’s right…you’ll NEVER see Brandon’s cute eyes again! Muah ha ha ha ha!”

When I suddenly snapped out of it, I saw the doorknob turning. So, I jumped up and pressed my back against the door!

My mom said, “Nikki, what’s going on? Let us in there RIGHT this minute!”

I had to think fast! Before I knew it, I’d be twiddling my thumbs, looking at my feet, and saying something dumb, like, “Eyes? What eyes? Who wants ice cream?!?”

All of a sudden I had a brilliant idea! I grabbed Brianna and whispered, “You can wear my clothes, lie in my bed, and play with my iPhone ALL WEEK if you just go along with everything I say, OK??”

She whispered, “Deal!”

Then I said, “We can’t wait to show you Brianna’s masterpiece! But you can’t rush a true artist, and we don’t want to ruin the big reveal!”

After that, I heard my dad say, “You know, she’s right, dear. I never let anyone enter a building while I’m exterminating. There’s an art to bug killing, you know!”

(So gross!)

My mom said, “OK, dear. Sorry I rushed you. Mommy can’t wait to see your masterpiece, Brianna!”

Since Brianna had agreed to go along with EVERYTHING I said (and because she was playing with my iPhone and bored with the whole wall art thing), I grabbed the brush and started painting around the eyes.

I knew I only had an hour before dinner, so I worked SUPER fast, but I think I did a really good job!

Fifty minutes later, I called my parents in for the big reveal.

When my mom saw it she gasped. I thought FOR SURE she hated it, either that or she somehow knew everything that had happened and was SHOCKED at the realization of it all!

But then she said, “What DARLING farm animals! I love it!”

That’s right…I painted farm animals around all those eyes. And even though their bodies looked freakishly small, I guess they were kind of cute!

OK, not really. They’re still SUPER weird. (I’m glad I don’t have to sleep in there!) But at least my secret was safe! :)